Our experience of Christmas Crackers has been one of disappointment and apethy among guests, but has also provided some of the kitschest items ever to grace this Earth. The standard Christmas cracker contains the following:

At first glance, these contents would appear to be a recipe for success at any Christmas dinner party, and if you are prepared to spend a significant amount of money on a cracker, then this may well be true. But, for most people, the humble Christmas cracker is an inexpensive table decoration with little more to offer than the heady thrill of the bang when the cracker is pulled.

Jim Royle from the Royle Family. [1]

There is of course, the ubiquitos paper party hat. Picture the scene as your Uncle settles in front of the Queen's Speech, stuffed full of turkey and perhaps a few too many schooners of port, his hat gracefully resting on his bald head, snoring loudly. There is truly no scene more magnificent or indeed, so typically British than this, echoing the sentiment of the festive season.

The jokes in the cracker often lead to disappointment, with very few laughs to be had, other than those induced by the consumption of copious amounts of aperitifs. Of course, this is what generally makes the jokes amusing.

The ultimate kitsch content of any cracker, however, are the small, usually plastic and invariably poor quality toys. Reminiscent of a kinder surprise toy, they are often poor quality and in very poor taste. At World of Kitsch, we have produced a list of the top five novelty gifts found in crackers. See how many you have had the good fortune to pull from a cracker!

Fortune Telling Fish
A personal favourite among many of the team, the fortune telling fish curls its body as you place it in the palm of your sweaty hand thus predicting the future based on the type and size of the curl. A cynic would say it was a shaped piece of celophane reacting to your body heat, but to others, including our very own Mystic Michelle it is more than this. Michelle said "The fortune telling fish knows what your future holds and will raise its body according to the position of your birth sign." Scientists and onlookers dismissed Michelle's ramblings as the onset of a more serious mental condition.

Plastic Moustache
At fist sight, a fantastic plastic toy. However, the small size of the extremely painful to wear plastic clips make the moustache far too small for anyone other than a child to wear, although it is mostly adults who try to wear the nose-pincher.

Leapfrog
Always an extremely poorly cast plastic model of a frog, with springy legs and a tail. The deformed plastic frog will "jump" when the tail is pressed towards the table (when was the last time you saw a frog with a tail?).

Ballbearing Puzzle
These infuriating puzzles can take hours to complete but at Christmas, who has time to spend playing with them?

Plastic watch
Guaranteed to be in the rubbish bin faster than the leftover turkey. This plastic watch has virtually no function, sometimes containing a ballbearing puzzle (see above) where the watch face should be, sometimes a crude sticker of watch hands stuck on the face.